Is This Goodbye...

I must confess, that this is not how I wanted to end my blog, and your sharing of our trip.
The last entry was when I was shell shocked – and to be honest, even now as I think of our lost camera, it feels like a whack to the guts with cricket bat. I think it is the pain of knowing that the memory stick contains things that have no relevance to the person who took it. The thought of it laying in the bottom of a bin somewhere, or being deleted is punishing, to say the least.
Our greatest sadness is for the kids. The video camera was the insurance, to compensate for the reality that the kids will remember very little of this in the years to come. Then there is the way that Sam became unofficial tour guide to a lot of our destinations…I think that Shane had already started mentally editing together a tape for Sam’s 21st. And please, in order not to set me off, yet again, let’s not mention the precious footage of our time with the Ormistons. The footage of the evening show/circus, where the kids prepared an order of acts, and even dragged the very obliging fence builder in, to be a participant and audience member.
I lay in bed at night and try to remember the places we have been, and my mind jumps to, "Oh no, I won't remember it", to, "We will just have to look at the photos" I feel the sickening thud, and then think, "No, it is gone" and then I try hard to make sense of it all, and it goes around and around, the solution to the lost memories, being to call on the things that we recorded...

AND NOW....TO MOVE ON
The above was written in Heathrow, yesterday afternoon, before the battery in the computer went flat.
Now we are in Hong Kong, after 12 hours on a plane. In reality, it felt much shorter, as we all slept (if that fretful state of shifting positions regularly can be called that) for about six hours. Throw in two meals and two movies - and the trip is done!!
I do wonder if the ready access to entertainment every minute of the journey, lessens our awareness of what we are going through. I remember my first trip home from overseas, aged 22. It was a reallllly long flight which seemed to last forever, and the deep sense of melancholy that I experienced is still tangible to me on reflection, all these years later. There was such a bittersweet poignancy to it all. I wonder if the reflection that air travel deserves, is now absent from our 'take it for granted' existence, where to travel from one side of the world to the other is just something to be endured, when in fact it is AMAZING. And surely if you are doing it...something major is happening in your life. Even if it is just a holiday - it is something to be treasured and marvelled at - and if you are traveling for some greater purpose - love or loss - how much greater the need for pause. We did not pause much. I think that perhaps that wasn't a bad thing.
Entertainment, in the root meaning of the word, means to switch off: to gaze dumbly. I think that over the last two days of our trip, bad and sad thoughts have been on a constant loop, and this, was leaving a sour flavour behind. To break the brain's pattern, was not a bad thing.
So. Three months and one week are done. All of that time spent planning, and then traveling, is done. It is hard to believe. And when looking homeward, there is a strange sense of emptiness, like, "What now?" I was starting to feel this brooding come on, on Friday morning beforethe loss of our camera (from now on, referred to as B.L.) Since the theft (A.L.) the sense of loss between Shane and myself has been so great, that I think we have a warped perspective - have forgotten the positives. The fact is...this has been a most excellent adventure.
I am proud of my family. The Fulwood Clan feel strong. I feel like we have mainly conquered, and where we have lost, we have done so with dignity, and solidarity. I don't know that we are any different to ever we were, or that we will be different from here on in....(Sam was just commenting to me an hour ago that he realized our family was different to other families. I was intrigued and excited to hear what it was that he felt, but it was something about him not being able to look in the mirror as much as he felt he should....or something like that, which he said he couldn't explain. Made me raise an eyebrow in confusion....)
I am extra glad now of this blog spot. It is the best record that we now have - and I thank you for reading it, because that has made it a much greater pleasure to keep.
I have learnt a few things along the way - but before sharing them, must make my record complete.

Friday night saw Shane drive through the streets of London. That was pretty amazing. To drive past the end of Tower Bridge and straight past Big Ben. We were both in a bit of a shocked state, but were still able to register where we were and what we were doing.
On Saturday we just kept close to Paul's. He suggested an outing - which normally would have been grand, but our spirits were sunk, and we just wanted to start packing and drive nowhere. We also used Saturday morning to make contact with the manager, and later the waitress, from the Running Horse Inn, where the theft occurred. We went walking to shops in the morning for a last gathering of supplies, and then out for tea with Paul, to a great little pub (The Salty Lime? -or was it something to do with anchors?) Then yesterday we had the great pleasure of one last visit with Katie and Jesse, this time with the added bonus of Ant's company as well. They were in town for a baby shower, and so we managed a last get together, and a Sunday Carvery. The meal was great but excruciatingly slow in coming - but that only made the meal last longer, and the company was good, so be it. We felt good being able to hand on Sam's car seat, as a spare for them (for Jesse) The other car seat and the grubby but wonderful two pound stroller were left in the car, to be picked up today (Monday) by the car people / insurance company. I feel like they were loyal to us, and we have been disloyal to them....
Poor Eliza complained a couple of times, on the long drives, that her bottom hurt. I just thought it little wonder, from being cooped up in a car seat for hours on end. Then, last week, in Wales, when I washed the cover, I discovered that there was more or less a hole in the seat bit. Just the right side for a bottom cheek to sag into. One side was smooth, and the other had a pit, with a screw head at the bottom. Obviously there was meant to be a cover over it...It is now wadded up with toilet paper and built up to make a smooth surface. I don't believe it is really reusable. Shame.
From my green seat by the terminal one playground, I have a magnificent view, straight out of HUGE windows, onto the tarmac, with its planes coming and going, and it's hazy back drop of highrise buildings and behind them, mountains. As I have been writing, lights have come on within the building and in its surrounds. Another day is fading. We pulled up at what would have been ten to nine in the morning in the UK, and then had to promptly wind my watch forward eight hours. Wow! That is one way to 'kill' time. Lilli has just pointed out that we haven't had any lunch, and that this is confusing her brain.
She is by far the most enthusiastic about our homeward direction.
On our first night in Innerleithen, I was laying in our room, having a quiet time with Eliza, a goodnight cuddle. Consequently, Sam, Nathan, and Lilli didn't know I was in earshot. I was privvy to their 'goodnights' to one another. (Sam and Lil sleeping in one room, and Nathan in with Cat and Stu.) It went something like:
All: Goodnight, goodnight, goodnight.
Nathan: See you later
Lilli: Yeah. And just remember, we will come and get you
Sam: Yeah. Don't go down to the garden by yourself, we will go down together.

About now I chipped in with the command to go to bed and scrap any plans for midnight escapades.

Wish i had written it down at the time for accuracies sake - Cat - maybe you remember the exact lines uttered. That was it essentially though, and it gave us parents a chuckle.

Here are some of the things that I have learnt:

*You can break the mould. You don't have to swim with the current if it is leading you where you don't want to go.

*Pound Stretcher is no substitute for a bakery

*Every third town, has a Royal Oak Hotel in it

*Self flushing toilets like giving you a cool surprise (just ask lilli, who has had to refine her wiping techniques to avoid a bot wash every time...)

*Every third town, has a Cross Keys Hotel in it

*Wet wipes are the world's most adaptable, indispensable, universal cleaners - don't leave home without them

*Yorkshire Pudding goes with everything

*I can not do a Scottish accent to save myself

*Tescos sell everything, and are everywhere

*You are the same person at home, as you are on the road

*The best advice given to us before we left (thanks Sheryl) was to remember, that you have bad days at home - so if you have bad days whilst you are away...it is ok. It is normal and not the fault of the trip.

*We have less "bad days" when not beholden to the clock

*Our children delight us and bring us joy, more and more

*Our children still confound us and frustrate us, more than we could have believed

*Playgrounds are the world's only positive response to 'how should we make our children happy?'

*You can have too much of a good thing ( e.g. in theme parks - the longer we rode the Pirate ship, the less of a thrill it was...)

*People accumulate stuff. It seems to be in our programming. I would love to be de-programmed

*Ford Mondeos are pretty cool for non-descript, non-personality types of cars.

*Television is a sapper of all creativity and 'spare-time' (I already knew this, but plan to be more productive and creative from here on)

*I am extremely shaped by aesthetics. I love beautiful things, for the sake of beauty itself.

*If you really want to spend quality time with your kids, go somewhere where there is nought to do, and stay for a week. I am thinking a tent, in a little town, with the uno cards and space to ride bikes. No agenda of 'things to see', to make the trip 'worth while'.

*I may not be excited about resuming where we left off in our lives - but I am excited about reconnecting with all of our loved ones at home.....you are probably one of them....

Shane is snoring on the green seats, it's dark outside and I now have three kids sitting in front of me, all in time out. The lovely hour or so of play has come to a yelling end - so you see - real life calls - so I should go. And I guess I should say, 'Goodbye'. I don't really want to.
This is the final note to our travel. I think the hugs hello when we get to Adelaide will simply be the start of the next chapter....but I won't write about that online.
Thanks for being a part our adventure.
I would love you all to make a comment at the end of this blog. It would mean the world to me, to know who read along.
I guess this is Good-bye.

Good Bye.
For now.....